


For you

by Stelmarya



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: But not that much, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Gen, Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark Friendship, Natasha Romanov Feels, Reincarnation, Tragedy, weird metaphysical shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:13:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22124647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stelmarya/pseuds/Stelmarya
Summary: I wish there was a way she knew, Clint had said, for her to know that...But her fall was infinite, an eternity in the span of a second, and she saw it all. In this and any other life, Natasha knows.
Relationships: Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, Natasha Romanov & Avengers Team, Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark
Comments: 3
Kudos: 31





	For you

**for you**

\---

The fall was eternal in the worst sense of the word. The satisfaction of having saved Clint from what could have been the worst mistake of his short life soon gave way to terror. She fell, fell, fell; her heart was pounding in her ears and she couldn't scream; she could only see the sky, clouds and shades of color unknown to her.

She was going to die away from her home, from her friends, smashed a hundred meters down the cliff. She was going to die, and she was _happy_ about it.

She waited for the crash, the blow that would kill her instantly, but it never came. Clint's figure became smaller and smaller until it disappeared, but she was still falling. She tried to turn over, but her own instinctive fear kept her back facing the ground. Her red hair clouded her view and moving her limbs only caused her pain, but she fought, because that was what she did. She fought and fought and fought, right until the very end.

"Look, my child."

Plenty of darkness, explosions. Purple sky, grey and black were gone, now she was under smoke and debris and the A that marked what had become her home.

_No no no NO._

" _Na—_ "

Everything was going so quickly. Fights, fights, everything was always a fight in the kind of life they led, but her friends fought bravely, her friends fought with love, her friends lost. Was she reliving the worst moment of her life, Thanos' snap that had wiped them all out? Or had they failed again? What? What was it?

" _Nata—_ "

 _LEAVE ME ALONE._ She didn't know who she was yelling to, because the voice came from everywhere and nowhere. She hated this, she hated that she was still falling and watching her family fall with her without ending, without any closure. She would rather be dead; she would rather sacrifice herself over and over than to suffer this.

But it wasn't enough. Her death had given Clint the stone, but where had it all gone wrong? Where—?

"You do not know what you are seeing. Your eyes are deceiving you."

Flashes of memories, fake and implanted and deceptive. A childhood that never was, a dead husband, a fictitious career in the Bolshoi. Was that what was happening now? Couldn't she trust her senses anymore?

"Look, _look at them_."

The only thing she saw was the cliff, falling for eternity, suffering for eternity, but she forced herself to remember her teammates. Before Thanos, before Ultron and Hydra and themselves they had been six. She remembered eating food exhausted in the shawarma restaurant, tasting blood with vegetables and removing pieces of debris as they ordered more food. She remembered Steve's steady hands as they fought two against ten, as he threw her on the air without hesitating, absolute trust. She remembered Tony's smell lingering on every t-shirt she stole from him, his messy lab, the certainty that he was always going to be there for them. She remembered Bruce's face, his soft smiles and liquid eyes, and Thor's explosive voice, his contagious laughter that pulled a reluctant smile out of her, and Clint's taste, because with him it had always been blood and dirt. From the beginning her mouth had tasted metallic with him, like pain and rage and regret, but also forgiveness, and _God_ she was going to miss him.

"Look."

She had to see beyond what they were, beyond what she ever had, and that broke her heart. There would be no more adventures or nights with champagne and laughter, this was her last master stroke, and to watch them move on without her hurt her more than any fall could ever do. But she saw them. They fought bravely, they fought with love, and they won. They were no longer six, they were no longer her small group of freaks and monsters and heroes; now they were hundreds, and she never thought one could feel so much happiness. The only thing she regretted was that she couldn't be there to help them, to protect Peter and laugh with Rocket and punch Thanos, just once. And the ending... time speeded up, she managed to turn, and the ground was only seconds away. An instant and a life falling towards—

" _Natash—_ "

"Do you see? Do you see what you did?"

_I see. Let me go, I understand now._

"Your sacrifice was—"

" _Nat—!_ "

_I can go now. I understand. I can go._

"—hope she knows. I hope there was a way I could let her—"

"She knows. They both know."

" _Natasha!_ "

_I know._

She closed her eyes; she was no longer falling from a cliff, the ground that met her wasn't made of stone or rock. The blow was sudden and not very rough, the air conditioner was blowing right at her face, her legs were tangled in the bedsheets and she had hair in her mouth.

"God, you're so clumsy. Come here, up."

His tall, bulky frame appeared in her line of sight. His hair was too long, deep bags under his eyes and a wry smile, but he extended his hand and she knew. She knew this man from beyond this life, she knew him in many of them, in a thousand timelines and a thousand parallel universes. And he knew her even if he didn't remember, because just before falling he had called her _**natasha**_ , and that had never been her name. Images faded away from her mind, there wasn't any stone or cliff or infinite war anymore, but he stayed in her memories for a fraction of a second, because he might not have an arc reactor in his chest or expensive cars or a suicide wish, but she knew him. His name was—

"You're not gonna believe what I just dreamt."

"Oh?" he murmured, lifting her easily and leaving her again on her bed. The fall was short, just a blink of her eyes, and the worst was already over. He left his morning coffee on her night table and faced her, leaning on her dresser. "What was it about?"

"I dreamt we were heroes," she said.


End file.
